Between Certainty and Doubt

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 6. PERSONAL EXPERIENCE 

Have you witnessed finding yourself in between these shades- black, white and  grey.



Even in my life i have often experienced colour black where there is fear of judgement which leads to silence, that's how most of the introverts feel, they do not speak because they have a fear of being judged, being wrong, speaking of not being socially accepted by society if they speak out and situations where decisions irreversible. 
By my own personal experience, me myself being an introvert there have been moments in my daily life when I avoided expressing my true opinion, even when I knew it mattered. In group discussions, classrooms, or public speaking I often felt that one wrong sentence could change how people saw me forever. That fear created silence. I stayed quiet not because I had nothing to say, but because the consequences felt irreversible. Once the moment passed, it felt closed final that's how i used to feel until 10th std. However, I slowly started to get out of this phase in 11th and tried to not be the same person.

This is not only my experience of controlling our inner self in terms of black but also how many other people feel. 

Generally, white means to appear perfect or morally right, meeting expectations of the society and being the perfect individual. However, white is not only a positive colour it also means controlling your self in order to meet the expectations of society. In some part of my life, I believed that being “good” meant being flawless. I followed rules strictly, avoided conflict, and tried to meet every expectation placed on me. But later I realised that it was not what it looked like on the surface it might look positive, discipline, responsibility, and correctness. But internally, it was exhausting.

Any mistake felt like a moral failure, not a learning experience. I often hid my stress, doubts, or confusion to maintain an image of purity and correctness. I learned to measure what im worth of through approval rather than seeking for one. Instead of pleasing others i would try to make myself happpier.


There were times in my life where i felt i was scared and confused about everything, I didnt know if whatever i was doing was even correct or not, if i was taking the right decision or not, that was the time of exams and classes where i found questioning myself, that was the time of gray zone where, in moments of confusion choosing between options, handling conflicts, or facing uncertainty I allowed myself to pause. I stopped forcing thoughts into my brain and stopped accepting them, i just took a pause and then went with the flow. Gray controlled my life differently. It didn’t restrict me, infact it guided me. By accepting uncertainty, I gained emotional stability. I could acknowledge mixed feelings without guilt and make decisions based on understanding rather than pressure. Gray gave me control not by limiting choices, but by helping me find them calmly and facing them with courage.


Thats how usually these colours have affected my lifestyle.



Urvashi 
2513711043034 

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